Late-night hosts mocked the Republican party’s inaugural “America First” award for Donald Trump as he finally reveals the “present” he received from Iran.
Jimmy Kimmel
Jimmy Kimmel had a field day with the Republican National Committee’s inaugural “America First” award, presented to Trump on Wednesday by Mike Johnson, the House speaker, who described the prize as “appropriate for the new golden era in America”.
“I can’t figure out who should be more embarrassed: the guy who came up with the new award, or the guy who proudly accepted the new award,” Kimmel laughed.
“Watch Mike Johnson here,” he added before a clip of the lawmaker’s speech. “You can almost feel his spine exiting his body.”
Johnson declared the president a “suitable and fitting” recipient for the “America First” award – “we could think of no better title for what that is.”
“Did you try?” Kimmel wondered. “Because I can come up with some. How about the Lies-man Trophy? That would be a better name.”
“But the squeaker of the House is correct: there can be no more deserving winner of this fictitious distinction you created specifically to tongue-bathe his undercarriage than Donald Trump.
“My favorite part, when they give Trump these awards, is when he comes out with a look of surprise on his face,” he added. “And the saddest part is, he seems to be genuinely honored by these imaginary accolades.
“Look at him, how happy he is,” he said after another clip of Trump standing beside Johnson on stage. “All the grace and elegance of a gorilla at a wedding.”
The statuette for the inaugural America First award “in recognition of our president’s extraordinary need to win things every single day” is a golden eagle. “That is going on the mantle right next to his regifted Nobel peace prize, the Olympic gold medal he didn’t win, and the three tournament championships he ‘won’ at his own golf club,” Kimmel noted. “Are we sure he’s building a ballroom with that money and not a $900m trophy case?”
Seth Meyers
On Late Night, Seth Meyers checked in on Trump’s war in Iran. “Now Trump wants a speedy end to the war he started, but he can’t figure out how to achieve that,” he said. “He won’t even say who he’s negotiating with. And Iran says they’re not negotiating directly with us, which is why Trump ends up saying weird, vague stuff,” like that he received a “present worth a tremendous amount of money. And I’m not going to tell you what that present is, but it’s a very significant prize.”
“But today, Trump revealed what the present was,” said Meyers. “And you guys, it’s something really rare and special – I’m just kidding, it’s oil.”
Specifically, according to Trump, it’s “eight big boats” of oil to prove that “they’re real and solid and we’re there.”
“OK, so to show us that they’re real and that they’re solid and that they’re there, could you tell us their name?” Meyers wondered.
“Also, they’re not letting us have free oil,” he noted. “They’re letting oil tankers pass through a strait that they were already allowed to pass through before you started this war. Seriously, is there anything else you can say that we got out of this otherwise pointless war besides eight oil boats?”
According to Trump, there’s “two more boats”, for a total of 10 boats.
“OK, so this is clearly some teenagers who got Trump’s number,” said Meyers. “So master negotiator Donald Trump is bragging about a few boats of oil during a pointless and unpopular war he started that has sent gas prices for Americans soaring, which of course means Republicans are giving him a special award.”
That would be the America First award, complete with a soaring eagle trophy. “How many fake trophies that were made specifically for him does is this guy gonna get?” Meyers asked. “First the Fifa peace prize, now the America First award, and he’s neither America first nor pro-peace. He’s getting a participation trophy for something he didn’t even participate in.
“These guys are so out of touch, they’re giving Trump a special, made-up award while Americans struggle with soaring prices caused by a war they overwhelmingly disapprove of.”
The Daily Show
And on the Daily Show, Josh Johnson recapped yet another disturbing story involving Robert F Kennedy, Jr, Trump’s health secretary and “also the man who looks like last year’s Halloween pumpkin you forgot to throw out”.
“If you questioned his judgment after those stories came out about him taking home dead whales and dead bears, I have great news: there’s a new animal you can add to the list!” said Johnson. Because this week, the New York Post reported that in a 2001 diary entry, Kennedy wrote about cutting off the penis of a roadkilled raccoon so that he could examine it later, while his kids waited patiently in the car.
“What is wrong with this man?” Johnson exclaimed. “He cut off a raccoon’s penis and saved it for later like some kind of raccoon dick Push Pop? And I know he put it right in his jeans pocket too, didn’t even wrap it in a tissue or anything.
“Every time I hear about one of these RFK stories, they always mention that his kids were ‘waiting patiently’, which shows that RFK just doesn’t know the difference between patience and horror,” he added. “I’m sure all the hostages in a bank robbery are ‘waiting patiently’ to go home.
“It must have been so traumatic for his kids – any car trip with him could turn into a roadkill excursion at any moment,” he joked. “When he asks his kids if they want to go run errands with him, they must be like: ‘Eh … can’t you just beat us?’”
